Man Flu


You know that feeling, you know that little tickle in your nose, and—– ACHOO! —yeah it’s there, the first sneeze. You pray that’s it and carry on doing your chores, then it’s there again —- one, two, three, ten, —- gone is your dignity as you cross your legs to prevent yourself from peeing as the sneezes take over you; no chance of staying ladylike as snot and boogies explode through your now pouring nose.

Your sinuses fill and your head is fuzzy as the pressure builds up, and then the eyes water. Tissues at the ready to catch your next sneeze and he asks,

‘What’s for tea?’

God you want to kill him! He has passed his germs to you because he likes to share! Men! Yes I’m growling now as I managed to stay free of all the bugs until he gets it and bang, it’s mine now and he wants tea!

Only one thing for it, Lemsip cough mixture and a hot bath with a good dollop of Vicks menthol rub to sooth my now hot aching body before I wrap myself up in my duvet to listen to music or the TV. I would read but my eyes are watering too much – yeah I’m feeling sorry for myself now, as the cough takes hold and racks though my chest. At least he has gone out – I think he saw my growl and thought better of it, so I can at least wallow in self pity in peace.

I wake up, all hot and sweaty, hair plastered to my face. Oh god I hate being ill! My head feels like it’s full of cotton wool. I look around and it’s dark, I reach for the TV remote and see it’s six pm, I’ve slept for a few hours. I hear a noise and look up as the bedroom door opens: a huge bunch of flowers enters the room with my partner behind them!

‘Sorry.’ he says and hands me the flowers. He sits on the bed and opens a bag containing tissues with aloe vera, soft for my nose, more Lemsips and an array of little snacks to cheer me up. He is a good man and I feel guilty for growling now especially as he has tea downstairs waiting. So I blow my streaming nose yet again and follow my man, as I will everyday no matter what. It’s just one of those things and yep, if he’s lucky I wont share this back – I’ll try and keep the germs at bay!



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